well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
