Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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