I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
