Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
