erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
