I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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