i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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