i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
