My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
