i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
