You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
