Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
