Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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