As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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