How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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