please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
