The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
