so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
