You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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