Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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