i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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