At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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