I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
