The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
