dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
