Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
