I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
