ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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