well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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