I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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