I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
