I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
