don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
