you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
