This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
