4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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