Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
420 ftw
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
