There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
