Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
