Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
