well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
