The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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