He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
