Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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