i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
