I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
