I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My life is pants optional.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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