Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
