Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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