it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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