So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
