I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
