The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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