I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
