Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
