I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
