Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
