I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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